I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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