is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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