My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
