I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
