the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
