Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
