it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
