it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
