I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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