You're completely useless in the revolution.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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