You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
