but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
