I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
