Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I don't think brook has ever known best
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
