ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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