I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
