i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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