At least make sure they are 18
Why
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize