Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
