and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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