I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
