My underwear smells like fireworks.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He better not be in your backpack
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
