Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
