Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
