apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
