someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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