Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Who died my cat blue again?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
