It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
