My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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