One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
did i walk over a car last night?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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