does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
