I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
