My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
