I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize