i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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