I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
