my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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