I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
