My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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