so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
of course. lets lasso hookers.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
