i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
