You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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