Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
