One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
