Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
