I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
