I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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