Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize