we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
