This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
