If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My vagina is very pro this idea
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
