What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
