she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
