I just saw a hot homeless man
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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