i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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