maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
