Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
