Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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