she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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