It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
