Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
