I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
