my soul wont recognize me after tonight
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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