It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
