I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
