Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
