I was born with a shot glass in my hand
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
