Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
So. Much. Porn.
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