when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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