Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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