i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My feet surprised me
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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