the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
