He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
