i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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