I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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