he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
