Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
