when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
