she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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